Life on the hill: gratitude

Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Soul sisters and silver linings

In case you haven't noticed, things have been pretty full on for this single mumma of late.

For the last 3 months, I have been a fire fighter. Since March, when I was notified of the parole hearing, the universe has continued to light fires directly in front of me to attempt to extinguish.

My relationship with the man I gave my heart to (reading that post makes me cry) broke down. In reality, it started breaking down the moment we began residing together. Truth be told, I'm not surprised. Hurt. Sad. Surprised - no. The reality is that I really moved to Brisbane in order to give my daughter a home again, and the opportunity for her finish school. I knowingly took the risk that my relationship with M had every chance of not succeeding. But life is all about taking risks. I had hoped that the outcome would be different.

I truly couldn't have gotten through the last few months without the championing and support of my soul sisters. Without their belief in me to come through the other side, I would have probably fulfilled the underlying burning desire to jump into my car and drive far far away - leaving all it, my children included, behind.

Every single day I reminded myself of the silver linings that happened because I moved in with M. I had a job that I loved, I started connecting with other bloggers in real life. Opportunities to use my voice presented themselves on more then one occasion. Both Nathan and Aston were at better schools, that were going to give them both opportunities that they wouldn't have received if we had stayed on the Sunshine Coast. And lastly, but so not least, I have been able to connect to services that are essential for my daughter, and for our family.

Recently, I have been accused that it's not enough to have positive affirmations, profound quotes and sayings, if you're not practising them. I believe that I do. I falter and fall over. But pick myself up and keep going. Faltering, floundering and falling over, are not signs of not practising what I believe in my heart. For me they are signs that I need to stop, breathe, look and listen.

For the last few months I have worn around my neck a necklace made and given to me by the beautiful Naomi from Seven Cherubs, a fellow warrior woman and soul sister.

never never give up!

It's been this mantra that has gotten me through. Because I. Don't. Give. Up.

While the universe has always put fires in my life, and there have been times I have wanted to lie down and surrender to the darkness that I have been fighting, or to run away from my life, it has also put beside me beautiful people to help me through the battle.

Silver linings. They are always there. Just sometimes we have to blow away the smoke, wipe away the burnt and look again.

Messages for me done by another beautiful soul sister

Unexpected gifts replenishing my soul

One of the challenges of living with mental illness is finding tools that work for you that help you to feel and function better. One such tool for me is practising mindfulness, or as I have heard it coined Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This works for me personally much better then CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). Why, I don't know. If it works, sometimes you just have to go with it.

The last couple of weeks I have felt stretched to my limit, and I may have had a tantrum of sorts last week about feeling unappreciated and taken for granted by EVERYONE in my house, and that once again no one was going to give two hoots about MY birthday. Yesterday was my birthday and to say the least, I was pleasantly surprised to have a wonderful day.

The best part was all the unexpected 'gifts' that came my way - coffee brought to me by Laura in the morning, a happy birthday text from a new friend, lunch from a friend that I have reconnected with after we had a falling out a few years ago, my mum buying me flowers for Aston to give me for my birthday, going to 'Chicks at the Flicks' to see Les Misérables and getting a free massage while I was waiting to go in.

Beautiful unexpected moments that all contributed to me having a fantastic day.

When I do this -

“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering”
― Ida Scott Taylor

unexpected, amazing things happen, and my soul gets replenished.

Do you practise mindfulness? Does it help?

On the head of a pin

image credit

There is so much that we take for granted. From the little things - fresh water and food, sanitary toilets, a roof over our heads, clean clothes on our backs - to the big things - having a car to drive, go on holidays, access to medicine, living in country that isn't ravished by war disease or famine.

On Tuesday I went to the funeral of a young man of 19 who had died suddenly from a motor bike accident. There were probably 500 people there, three quarters of them aged between 14 and 21. There was an ocean of tears, the fragility of their own lives staring them in the face.

I'm so thankful that I was able to be there. To be beside my own children as they navigate their way through the grieving process. To be beside the beautiful woman that held this young man in her arms until the ambulance arrived, so that he was not alone. To be able to embrace his mother, father and siblings, and say with my touch what words could not convey.

I'm thankful for the opportunity the whole event has created. To be able to reflect on my own life and for the many amazing beautiful gifts that I am so lucky to have.

The last line in Kirrily's post from Sunny Side Up captured it the best - This is the beautiful thing about death. It enlivens the living.

Life can change on the head of a pin. Moments of beauty are happening all the time. Keep your mind and your eyes open to receiving them. Are you LIVING in the day you're in?

The lovely Leigh from Six By the Bay is hosting Thankful Thursday. What are you thankful for today?

Posted with Blogsy

19. Herb and salad garden - tick

I have started working through that bucket list of mine. Aston and I created a herb garden this afternoon.

We have coriander, chives, curly parsley, Italian parsley, basil, mint, chilli bush, rosemary and a cherry tomato plant. I think I will build on these, and put in some thyme, rocket and oregano.

Aston told me while we were doing it that I was "the best mum in the whole world". It's amazing how little things, like creating a herb garden, create a huge amount of love in his heart. Just spending one on one time with me, doing something together.

Posted with Blogsy

Pictures really do say 1000s of words

Thursday morning

Beautiful sunshiney day

Monday afternoon

Boy and his dog

On Thursday morning Aston was really unwell. He looked like the first photo until this afternoon.

I was hanging put washing, and he asked me to stay outside with him in the sunshine. I was about to say no, because I wanted to clean the kitchen, and bake. Then I reminded myself, that this moment of him wanting me to sit in the sunshine with him was precious. The dishes weren't going anywhere, but every second Aston grows up more and more.

So very glad we did. He is so much better now. And I got to have a lovely soaking up of much needed vitamin d, something that I need a lot of.

Playing with my camera and different photo editing apps on both my phone (Nokia N8) and iPad. What apps do you use that you love? And are easy? Because I'm a complete noob when it comes to stuff like this. Actually, scrap that. I'm not a complete noob, I have improved... I'm a work in progress genius. There. That sounds better.

Posted with Blogsy

Gratitude

Recently while I was having a little melt down about the money tree being bare, my perspective was surprisingly and pleasantly changed by someone that I least expected.

It was dinner time and I proceeded to put down our gourmet dinner of sausages, home-made chips and salad in front of my 13 year old son Nathan, with the comment, “here’s another poor peoples dinner.”

He said, “Are we poor mum? I don’t think we’re poor. I think we are really rich. I mean not everyone has a computer, a lap top, an ipad, a PlayStation 3, a Wii, an iPod, a smart phone… I mean, I know the Internet isn’t working at the moment, and the TV is broken, but we are getting another one, and the Internet will get fixed… I think we’re rich.” And proceeded to tuck into dinner with gusto as only an ever growing 13 year old teenage boy can!

I was very humbled to say the least. And extremely proud. It seems my lessons on gratitude have sunk in… Even though for that moment, they had slipped past me, I’m incredibly grateful that I had someone to remind me.

365 days

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 1 year…. That’s how long I have known M, how long he has been in my world. He has become a part of my family. A very big part.

M and I recently celebrated an anniversary. Our first. *cue hearts and love songs*

We went to Mooloolaba for the weekend and had such a wonderful time.

Delicious Food

Sublime sunsets

Wine, Champagne, Corona and Lime

Lots of love and laughs

I’m so happy. Deliriously happy. It’s a new and wondrous place this happy one. I’m moving in for good.

one down, 11 more to go.

Where did January go? I wrote the date today, and was slightly horrified that it was a new month. How did that happen?
Seems even if you practice living in the moment you are in, the days still spin by like a raging torrent. I would like it to slow down please. Just a little bit.

Jodie over at Muddled Up Mumma wrapped up her month of January, and it inspired me, for my own benefit, to do the same. Instead of feeling overwhelmed that a whole month has disappeared, I want to focus on the good stuff that happened during that month.

I started the New Year here at my abode on the hill, with my hunny. We had a lovely New Year's eve, just the two of us. It was a welcome respite from the business of Christmas and being around lots of people all the time.

In my family January begins with a birthday, and ends with a birthday. The 3rd January is my daughter's birthday. She turned 16. I have a 16 year old daughter. Even typing that seems surreal. From holding her tiny little body in my arms, and breathing in that beautiful new born scent to standing beside me looking me in the eye ... in what seems like a blink. We celebrated by going to dinner at Southbank, and seeing Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way.

Laura and I 16 years ago

Laura and I now :'(

We celebrated again that weekend, going out to dinner with three of her friends, and one of my soul sisters, someone who has known her since she was two. It was an interesting night... to say the least.
Four gorgeous young women, just beginning to find their way in life...

with two, older, and supposedly some what wiser, women....

Aston and I also went to see ....

Disney Concert

He was pretty impressed...

I love watching him watching something new

Nathan made a firm new friendship with M's nephew, a relationship I knew would be great, as they are so similar in nature. They spent a lot of time together, doing things that they both love. It was lovely to watch another connection between M and I develop and grow.

Aston starting having sleep overs at his father's house. This was a rather scary concept for me, but one that I knew had to happen. So far so good. It has been pretty positive for everyone.... which seems rather odd, given the circumstances behind Aston's father and I not being together anymore. Life is full of mysteries...

Laura came and stayed for 5 days, and we had a wonderful visit. Nat was at a friend's place for the time she was with me. It meant that the dynamic was different, a little less competition all round. Aston got to spend some quality time with his sister, and her and I got to hang out together. Slowly our relationship is rebuilding. We even spoke about the events that happened that led to her going to live with her father

Before I knew the school holidays were about to be over, and I still needed to get bits and pieces for the boys for school. I think I was in denial, as Aston was starting school. The 23rd came around far quicker then I had anticipated... and now my baby, was off to school...

The rain began to fall, causing a touch of anxiety for me, all too reminiscent of January 12 months ago.

going down to check the creek

Australia day was raining and gloomy, so M and I took Aston to see the Muppets (a bonus of having kids it that you have a perfect excuse to go and see kids movies!) I loved it, as did Aston. He is still talking about it a week later.

As I mentioned before, January starts with a birthday and ends with one. Mine. I turned 42 on 30 January. 42. I remember when I was 18, 20, 25, even 30 ffs - 42 seemed ancient. Old. And here I am. Ancient. Old. Yet I don't feel ancient or old. (well sometimes I do, but that is more my body, not my head!) I don't "feel" 42, or not how I imagined a 42 year old should feel like. I still don't feel like a "grown up" and well, you think I would by now wouldn't you?

I spent my birthday with my best friend, and the one person who is not biologically related to me, who has known me, now, for more then half my life... the good, the bad, the ugly. We went to the Matisse Exhibition at GOMA. It was ... breathtaking... and inspiring. And just what I needed to feed my soul.

I'm feeling decidedly better after that January re-wind. No wonder it went by in a blur, I've been busy. Thanks Jodi for planting the seed of inspiration.

Keeping it real

When I first read this weeks "assignment" the very first word that came to me was Respect. Each time that I have thought about what are my five top values, that has been the first to come to mind...

What does Respect mean to me? Its not just about respecting me, or treating me with respect, but its about respecting so much more... life, humanity, the planet, other human beings. If we treated each other with respect so much hate, violence, evil would disappear. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Most people will associate that saying with Christianity, but the concept has been around long before Jesus was a boy. To me it encapsulates what respect means.

When I was 19, I made the conscious decision that I wasn't going to live my life in the manner that I had seen and experienced growing up. I didn't know how I was going to live it, just how I wasn't going to. Consequently I went on to invent a personality, and in doing so, denied my authenticity. It took me 13 years, and losing the plot and a stay in a psyche ward to reclaim it. I won't lose it again. By being authentic I am being true to myself. Its my inner compass and guide. Being authentic means not false or copied, genuine and real. It means embracing the uniqueness that makes me ME - freak flag and all!

Being authentic means being honest. Something I despise is lying and liars. Lying to someone means that its not only them that you are lying to, but to yourself as well. The truth may be disappointing, hurtful, at times even devastating. But at least it is real. Being honest has got me into trouble on more then one occasion. Lying, it is little seeds of deceit that blacken your heart.

Practising gratitude is something that keeps me both authentic, and honest. Even on days when all I feel is grey, with a little bit of seeking, I can find something to be grateful for. I believe in the Law of attraction... If I think it, I'm inviting it into my life. I would rather invite good stuff in, then bad stuff. It helps me to change perspective, to see that even on grey stormy days there is good stuff happening, you just have to peel back the clouds to see it.

Gratitude highlights hope. When Pandora opened the forbidden box and everything flew out, the only thing that remained in the box was hope. I lost hope once. And very nearly lost my life. I never want to lose it again. Practising, and believing in respect, authenticity, honesty and gratitude means I will never lose it again. For me, they perpetuate hope, fan it into being, in all its magnificence, potential and mystery...

Narrowing down the things that are important to five core values is a difficult exercise. Harder then I originally thought. There are many other things that are important to me - knowledge, family, resilience, joy, laughter to name a few, but essentially what I identified was that the five that spoke to me the loudest ultimately lead to the others. And like any strong house that will withstand anything that is thrown at it, a good foundation is imperative.

what went right in 2011

52 weeks to simplify your life challenge

Its a brand new year. Full of infinite possibilities and opportunities. I fell across this, 52 weeks to simplify your life and decided that I wanted to participate. Considering that a lot of the time my blog is my dumping ground for the bad stuff going on around me or in my head, the opportunity to use it as a positive space couldn't be ignored.

While so many of my friends where experiencing not so great things happening for them in 2011, I was having a relatively great 2011. Yes there were moments or days where everything felt overwhelmingly bad, but for the most part it was a great year. I had a list of things that I wanted to do before I turned 42. While I haven't completed all of those things, I have done a lot of them, at least two thirds of them. I don't feel like I have failed because I didn't complete the list. In fact, quite the opposite. It's a record of all that I have achieved.

There are so many things that energised me - clearing out toxic things, people, places hugely energised me, simply because I was no longer wasting time and energy on things, people and places that sucked life from me. I learnt to recognise and ACT on that recognition of when that is happening, and not feel guilty about it. My time and energy is precious. And I can't fix everyone - especially people that don't want to fix themselves.

I met a man that is my best friend, and it is the biggest thing to make me feel happy in 2011. I can look at him, smile and feel joy in my heart. The time we spend together is precious, and whether we are cooking up a storm, playing with the kids, watching a movie, looking at the stars, or just laying holding each other I feel peaceful, and hopeful, and calm. But most of all, happy.

I am finding that it is easier and quicker to return to that place where I feel peacefulness now. When anxiety claws at my body and mind, it is becoming easier to let it pass over me. Ironically, it is from not fighting it, but instead I almost surrender to it. Like when you are caught in a rip in the ocean. Instead of swimming against it, I lay back, float, breathe and end up out of it quicker, and less exhausted, then if I furiously fight it.

Going on holiday to Daydream Island was amazing. Not only being there, and doing all the wonderful things that we did, but GETTING THERE! I did it!! I saved, and scrimped, and juggled. But I did it! It was the first real holiday I have had in a long time. Achieving that was monumental in itself. I felt very proud of myself.

There are so many things I am grateful for.... Having the ability to live on a shoestring... the gift of my three children, that I constantly learn things from every day... my beautiful friends that are my family... a man who loves me and my children... and then there are the "little things" - the things that are so easily taken for granted - clean water, food, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, easily attained medical assistance, the view from my bedroom....

Learning how to practice mindfulness has probably been my most positive lesson in 2011. The only moment I have any control over is the one I am currently in. Learning to let go of looking anxiously forward, and regretfully backward is a big lesson to learn. I'm glad that I have finally got it!

Thank you 2011 for all that your brought me. Here's to 2012 and all that will come....

Perfect or honest?

I don't have a perfect relationship with my children. Its hard to have a perfect relationship with anyone when you live with a mental illness (PTSD and Acute Anxiety Disorder) is there really such a thing as a perfect relationship anyway? But I know unequivocally that I have an honest one with my children. For me that is far more important then "perfect".

One thing that I have told Laura and Nathan (and will do for Aston) is that if they ever find themselves in a situation where they or a friend need help - be it because of anything - drug, alcohol, sex, anything - and they need an adult, that they come to me, and we will work it out together. No judgement, just support, and hopefully resolution.

Laura has come to me several times. The latest this week. I got a phone call from her on Sunday. A friend that she works with had done a pregnancy test, and it was positive. This young woman, K, has only recently turned 17. She was afraid, and feeling very very lonely. I asked her about her own mother. This was a definite no go zone. Her mother goes through her things, recently found tampons, and wanted to know what sleazy people K had been hanging around! K was adamant that if her mother found out that she was pregnant she would get kicked out of home.

As the week progressed, and I took her to the doctors, held her hand and told her to breathe while she had blood tests and ultrasounds, my heart became sadder and sadder. We spoke a lot. She talked about her relationship with her mother. I talked about what was going on with her body, and how important it was to know and understand her body. I talked about taking care of herself, of making sure she doesn't find herself in this position again, about what her options were. I talked about actions and consequences.

I was very careful not to be derogorative about her mother in anyway, saying instead that I know without a doubt that her mother loves her, that being a parent is hard, and her parenting choices will no doubt have been informed by how she was parented growing up. Inside I was wondering why she had created a relationship with her daughter that was based on fear, and lies.

There are people (as I'm sure there will be people who read this) that think I should not have gotten involved. That it was none of my business. And that is true, it is none of my business. But having been a young woman who felt unheard, unseen and afraid, I refuse to let anyone go through something so definitive alone if I am able to be beside them. It cost me nothing, and I am hopeful that K has learnt a lot from the experience. I know I have.

I'm thankful that I have an honest relationship with my children. They know - no matter what - that they can come to me and that I will love them unconditionally. Its not perfect... But its honest.

(The universe intervened, and K miscarried. Regardless of how or what the outcome, at least she wasn't alone.)

Celebrating feeling good

I wasn't going to do a Grateful post this week because... well I'm feeling great.

How silly is that? Instead of celebrating feeling great, and writing about it, I was going to let it slip by, acknowledged only by me. It was only after reading other grateful posts that I decided that feeling great is a very very good reason to be grateful. The fact that I didn't have to dig deep to find wonder and gratitude is by itself something to be grateful for.

So I'm celebrating feeling good.

The new medication I have started has taken away that nasty angry feeling, my anxiety and agitation have leveled out. I can see the colour in the world again, feel the sun, and not feel overwhelmed by anything and everything.

I have re-enrolled in uni, and started my course. It feels so good to be engaging my brain again in a subject that I am passionate about.

I had the tattoo on my side added to and I LOVE IT! It feels like a piece of art now.

I getting through that bloody elephant a little bit every day. Its forward momentum, instead of stagnant standing still.

I am re-connecting with my daughter. Our relationship has changed, evolved, into something new. The distance between us doesn't feel any where near as far as it did. She is an amazing young woman.

I have also re-connected with my mother. The last two months have been an interesting time for both us, with a lot of healing happening on both fronts. I have a far greater ability now to stand back and see her as a woman - not just as my mother. And in being able to do that, I have greater understanding of her.

Maxabella Loves has helped me to see gratitude in the big, small and everything in between. What's going on in your world that you can be grateful for?

being a fruit cake

This week has been more then a little manic.

I'm changing medication for anxiety. And it sucks.

But because I'm desperately focusing on keeping going - faking it 'til I make it, instead of crawling under the covers and disappearing, I will look out of myself and see that amongst the mania and shakes, and agitation there have been many moments to be grateful for....

my daughter and I are communicating again, online, but hey its a start. Baby steps.
having my mother here has literally been a god send. I'd be heading for the Psyche ward otherwise
blogs - seriously. I've had trouble focusing on things this week, but sitting and reading blogs has made me laugh, cry, relate, and not feel alone
my friends, for not giving up on me, for loving me in spite of my fruit cakeness, for supporting me, for being there on the end of the phone while I ranted and raved, making no sense, for seeing the endless possibilities that lay with in me and continually reminding me of them

and last, but certainly by no means least, I'm grateful for Maxbella loves for creating and hosting this link up because just doing this one little exercise over the last few weeks has kept me going. Thank you beautiful woman. x

How do you eat an elephant?

Maxabella loves grateful posts always arrive at the most appropriate time for me... even at 3.20am when I can't sleep because my mind is buzzing.

To quieten the buzzing I thought I start thinking about the things that I have to be grateful for this week. A change in perspective - looking outwards instead of in.

After coming back from holidays, I walked into this house, and the overwhelming sense of wanting to flee washed over me. I need to leave. Its time. I have given my self until the end of the Christmas school holidays to sort, clear, pack, clean, chuck ... whatever needs to be done, to be ready to move. Why so long? Well this is the longest I have lived in any house. In my life. 5 years in March. And in those nearly 5 years I seemed to have accumulated an awful amount of "stuff". So let the clearing begin- both physically, and metaphysically.

The reason it has taken me so long to attempt the task is every time I have started in the past two years I have become overwhelmed with anger and tears and frustration... of a 1000 feelings all reeling through my body at once. So I stop... and it doesn't get done.

My mum is back with me, until the end of October. For this I am incredibly grateful. Having another adult in the house, someone to buffer, encourage and support me - because that's what I need right now.

We started in the study - which I had renamed my in box - because that is what it had become. One big inbox, where everything that I needed to deal with in the way of paperwork was dumped. 6 hours, 10 bags of paperwork later, and a trip to the op shop the study is cleared.

Mum sat and kept me company - because only I really knew what needed to stay and what needed to go. She was there when I fell across a pile of things regarding R, that opened a door of absolutely rage inside of me. Things that my children had done for him. Things that he didn't value or appreciate for the precious gifts that they were. And I screamed and howled and cursed and ripped and chucked.

What am I grateful for this week.... having the courage to start what needs to be done, that my mum is here with me to help, and that I didn't fall apart in the process.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

or colour it in one section at a time... :)

digging deep

I'm finding it hard to write at the moment.

My heart is sore, and all I want to say is Life is fucked and continue on in my little pity party that I'm having.

My head said to me this morning "suck it up princess - you have more to be grateful for then a lot of people"... which made me think about gratitude, perspective and not giving in to the black dog.

so out of the heart ache that I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks what do I have to be grateful for....

- my mum. the irony of this is not lost on me...The universe works in such bizarre ways at times. my own relationship with my mother has been rocky to say the least - but I'm incredibly grateful that she has been here the last two weeks, to anchor me, and stop me from hurtling out into space... she kept the house going while I cried... tears for my own 15yo girl inside, and for my 15 yo daughter. I feel more connected to my mother now then I have in a very long time.

Me, Mum and Laura

- M... as is the case most of the time, men want to fix things. He knew he couldn't fix this, instead he gave me what I needed - comfort, a safe place to cry, love. For the first time in any relationship that I have had with a man I feel like someone has MY back.

Looking at the stars on the trampoline.

- my friends, for listening, for being empathetic, for being honest

- Aston, whose excitement at going away on holidays to Daydream Island is infectious. If I can view the world through his four year old eyes life looks pretty wonderful.

Daydream Island in Playdoh :)

Once again thank you Maxabella Loves for motivating me to look for gratitude - because it seems I didn't have to look very far after all. :)

Mira Narnie (I wanted to write Narnia!!) is hosting this weeks Grateful link up...

What are you grateful for?

grateful is as grateful does...

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone" Gladys Browyn Stern

I never do anything for anyone with the attitude of wanting something done in return for me, so when someone does something for me I'm always surprised... Pleasantly of course. Even the offer of having something done is wonderful.

This week I had to put my car in for new tyres and a couple of other things, and the cost ended up being $150 more then I was quoted. Living on the tight budget that I do, I wasn't particularly pleased. I had a whinge about it to my gorgeous man M, and he offered to help me out because, as he put it "that's what we do for each other". I am so very grateful to have him in my life.

The last few months have been trauma and drama free. For the first time in over 13 years I haven't had the impending sense of doom hanging over me. For that I'm incredibly grateful. Even with my soul sister's journey and all it entailed, my head space and the ability to see blessings in every situation has changed so fundamentally that anxiety's icy fingers no longer clutch at my throat. It no longer disables me. I now know that if I fall down, I will get back up again.

Maxabella Loves... is having a birthday. I'm grateful that I found her blog. What are you grateful for?

grateful for being alive...

Thank you Maxabella... nothing like a gentle reminder to sit back and reflect...

*****************************

today my Aunt had open heart triple by-pass surgery. She had a heart attack on Monday. She is going to be ok. That is amazing... that we have the both the knowledge and technology to be able to something of that magnitude, that quickly....

after speaking to my mum and hearing that my Aunt was going to ok, I hadn't realised that I had been holding my breath until I let it out.

ever since hearing those words "she is ok" I have been sitting feeling waves of gratitude wash over me... that she has come through a major operation ok... that all those little things that have been pissing me off this week, are just that - little things! And I have far more to be grateful for, then to be pissed off about...

grateful for the universal shove in changing perspective... see that glass - its half FULL woman!!

Gratitude... a state of grace

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Albert Schweitzer

As I lay in bed this morning thinking about how its far too cold to get out of bed, I looked out the window at the magnificent view that I have been blessed to see each and every morning.

How can one not look at this and not feel a sense of sublime gratitude? Yes, it is cold and windy, but I'm so incredibly lucky to be living in a beautiful part of the Sunshine Coast, have a home that has a view like this to look at and have peace wash over me continuously.

Yesterday afternoon, I was feeling rather lousy - its a full moon. Lauralei said to me as I moaned and groaned, "Mum, your focusing on the bad stuff. Focus on the good stuff and you'll feel better." (love it when my own words are thrown back at me....)

So I shifted focus, and in doing so fell across things that were expressing gratitude like a new blog Maxabella loves. And my own internal spark was rekindled.

Not only am I grateful for the amazing view that I have, and the incredibly insightful daughter that I have been blessed with, this week I'm awash with gratitude for the feeling of peace that sits within me. When anxiety starts to make my heart race, my throat close, and I can feel myself leaving my body, I can bring myself back by shifting focus from what may be causing the anxiety to the abundance of beautiful people - things - experiences that fill my life... my heartbeat slows, my throat starts to re-open, and I land fully back in my body. To be able to do that, I'm incredibly grateful...

For me gratitude is a state of grace.

every little bit counts...

Its funny how the universe works. I read a brilliant article about 100 gratitudes that lead me to 365 Grateful. Both the article and the blog have been rattling around in the recesses of my brain, highlighting all the things that I have to be grateful for. I am going to do the 100 gratitudes, and thought I would start with this one...because in all honesty but for the grace of god go I...

After reading last week about the ever increasing number of homeless I'm not only grateful for the roof over my head but the opportunity to find some small way to make a difference...