In case you haven't noticed, things have been pretty full on for this single mumma of late.
For the last 3 months, I have been a fire fighter. Since March, when I was notified of the parole hearing, the universe has continued to light fires directly in front of me to attempt to extinguish.
My relationship with the man I gave my heart to (reading that post makes me cry) broke down. In reality, it started breaking down the moment we began residing together. Truth be told, I'm not surprised. Hurt. Sad. Surprised - no. The reality is that I really moved to Brisbane in order to give my daughter a home again, and the opportunity for her finish school. I knowingly took the risk that my relationship with M had every chance of not succeeding. But life is all about taking risks. I had hoped that the outcome would be different.
I truly couldn't have gotten through the last few months without the championing and support of my soul sisters. Without their belief in me to come through the other side, I would have probably fulfilled the underlying burning desire to jump into my car and drive far far away - leaving all it, my children included, behind.
Every single day I reminded myself of the silver linings that happened because I moved in with M. I had a job that I loved, I started connecting with other bloggers in real life. Opportunities to use my voice presented themselves on more then one occasion. Both Nathan and Aston were at better schools, that were going to give them both opportunities that they wouldn't have received if we had stayed on the Sunshine Coast. And lastly, but so not least, I have been able to connect to services that are essential for my daughter, and for our family.
Recently, I have been accused that it's not enough to have positive affirmations, profound quotes and sayings, if you're not practising them. I believe that I do. I falter and fall over. But pick myself up and keep going. Faltering, floundering and falling over, are not signs of not practising what I believe in my heart. For me they are signs that I need to stop, breathe, look and listen.
For the last few months I have worn around my neck a necklace made and given to me by the beautiful Naomi from Seven Cherubs, a fellow warrior woman and soul sister.
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Really admire your strength and positivity during such a sad time x
ReplyDeleteYou are the silver lining hun 😍 Bless you for sharing your life so openly and vulnerably. In doing so, enables others to open their hearts to do the same in their lives 😊 Rippling down the Silver Lining 😍
ReplyDeleteI am so very proud and humble to be your soul sister darlingheart and I am so very thankful you fell into my life! I say fell because I am almost certain we stumbled backwards into each other in the darkness and fell laughing at our fear of personal shadows. When all else fails dear woman, you have been there championing me on too right beside me on our silver unicorns, silver dunce hats and tails flying ever so brightly. You inspire me in many ways and I learn so much when we lose our sheet ;) xx onward and ever forward beautiful Vicky xx
ReplyDeleteIf you enter into situations with a negative attitude they will have a negative outcome. None of us in this life are perfect and we all have our faults. when the people in our lives that we love are battling with demons inside they need our love and support. they don't need our backs turned on them and left in the cold dark place on their own. so many of us pass judgement on other people....say we don't...but that's exactly what we do. like all things in life there are two sides to every story, but as humans we hear one side only and take it as gospel...pass judgement without even knowing the full truth. No one is perfect.
ReplyDeleteNo, no one is perfect. I'm far from it. And yes there are two sides to every story. And two perspectives. This is mine.
DeleteWhen you are struggling with your own demons, you have nothing to give to someone who until recently doesn't acknowledge that they even have demons!
I have 3 children - that is all I have to give. To them. And trying to keep myself alive. Some may see that as selfish, and that's ok. We are all entitled to our own perspectives. But me - I call it self preservation. If I don't look after myself, and do everything possible to make sure that I'm ok, who looks after my children?
You have one person to look after M - you.
Life can be so unpredictable, both good and not so good. You are right, we can try as hard as we might to practice all the positives, but everyone has a day where there just doesn't seem to be any. Getting back the right attitude to move forward again is the key to success. I too have had that feeling of driving off into the sunset and never coming back, but we don't and that, my dear, is what you have to be proud of. It is that survival mode, that Mother instinct, that need to finish what you started ... Whatever it is, thank goodness for it, it brings me back. I regroup, I rethink, and I move forward one more time. Just keep moving forward xo
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