Sunday, March 21, 2010

sometimes all the positive thinking in the world...

... just doesnt cut it.

I'm irritable, annoyed, pissed off, down right fucking angry. that I'm alone, with three children. that i have to constantly pick myself up and dust myself off. that I have to be ok all the time. that I cant just run away. that the choices I have made have alienated people. that I have made such stupid mistakes. that I wasted so much of my life investing energy into people that have used me up and spat me out.

I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!!! I hate feeling like I'm slipping down the depression slide...into the abyss. Its such a useless space. dark, miserable, alone. I know what I need to do. and I'm doing it... one bite at a time. But what I want to do, is jump up and down, and scream, and yell, and swear, and punch and hurt people. The anger inside me is immense... like a black buddly hot mess of sticky tar... that has just about reached boiling point. How do I stop it from blowing - out of control? from the volcanic mess that will erupt with it? How do I feel emotions without either losing contol, or becoming numb? How?


  1. Keep doing what you are doing Vicky... those little shoulders of yours have some mighty strength. And remember my favourite saying by Winston Churchill... "If you're going through hell... KEEP GOING!!"
    love you.

  2. You are doing great. You are truely inspiring the way you 'pick yourself up and dust yourelf off'!


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