Saturday, May 1, 2010

feeling miserable...

...and pissed off at life in general. Had my knee reconstruction on Tuesday, and even after asking copious questions prior to surgery, still didn't find out anything helpful until AFTER via the physio. who informed me that I'm not supposed to drive for six weeks. I just looked at him aghast... and said are you serious?? I'm a single mother with three kids! He said i could try after three, but highly recommended that I wait for six. Well that information would have been extremely helpful BEFORE THE OPERATION!!!

Toni and Philip stayed the Monday night, and Tuesday night while I was in hospital. and a friend, who was coming to stay for a couple of nights before the surgery was schedule, picked me up from the hospital.

Aston had his first supervised contact visit with Richard yesterday... which richard was late to ... surprise surprise. Then I got a "poor me" text from him saying what an idiot he was. Seriously - relocation to another part of the fucking country is looking very very attractive at the moment.

I'm pissed with my mother, who for reasons only known to herself, did not consider being here to help me because she couldn't drive wouldnt be helpful.... hmmmmm what about all the other friggin things that need to get done!!!!!

I'm angry. very. I wish i could articulate what or who or why I'm angry... other then i'm pissed off at everyone and everything. finding it very hard to find anything positive about anything. so i think for the moment I'm heading into the hole to feel sorry for myself, and hopefully when i don't need crutches to get from one spot to another, when I can make a cup of tea and carry it myself, when i can shower, and get out of the shower without having to humilate my daughter by asking her to help me, when I can drive myself, when I can play with Aston, when i can do things unaided.
I have a new appreciation for having two working legs, and arms, and relative good health. I seriously can not get my head wrapped around how people do this, who have no choice, but it is their life! adapt and overcome...

on a positive note, my lovely friend anna came for a play date and cooked dinner for us. its was very yummy, and gave Laura a break from being responsible for it.

And I'm thankful for my letters from Mr Darcy - because they make me smile and laugh out loud.

now... i'm going back into the hole to sulk.

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