lights are on but there is no one home....

I realised this morning that for the last week I have been living in a fog. My body is going through the necessary survival things - to a minimum. I'm moving through the day but forgetting things... like - put a prescription in to the chemist - and forgot to go and pick it up. have been asked for various things like tweezers, cotton buds by my sister in law - have responded - yep will go and get them, then then completely forget. and these are only the things i remember right now. what else have i forgotten in the last week?

I put in an extension request for an assignment for uni. It seems that your husband attempting suicide doesnt cut it as a reason. I need to provide proof of how it affects me. so - if he had of been successful, and was actually DEAD would i have to provide a fucking death certificate????

I'm so angry on so many fronts. I feel like a volcano about to erupt... its bubbly away there, ready to explode... Have a had a couple of false starts - but I can feel it coming.

DH oscilates from saying the right thing to behaving like a complete fucking moron. I told him yesterday that he had to choose between alcohol or his family. No choice really is there??? but to an alcoholic there is a whole lot of debate, justification and bullshit. and what response did I get - the latter. So I took the kids and went out for the afternoon, in an attempt to stem the eruption that is brewing inside of me.

I took them to a lovely park with a great pond in the middle of it, and Aston and I feed the ducks and swans and turtles. It was bittersweet... wonderful, and sad at the same time. I wished that DH was there to see the wonder and delight that was on our little boys face as he interacted with these animals....

so I keep breathing in and out, in and out, go to sleep, and wake up, to do it all over again. living in a holding pattern....