Saturday, March 28, 2009

lights are on but there is no one home....

I realised this morning that for the last week I have been living in a fog. My body is going through the necessary survival things - to a minimum. I'm moving through the day but forgetting things... like - put a prescription in to the chemist - and forgot to go and pick it up. have been asked for various things like tweezers, cotton buds by my sister in law - have responded - yep will go and get them, then then completely forget. and these are only the things i remember right now. what else have i forgotten in the last week?

I put in an extension request for an assignment for uni. It seems that your husband attempting suicide doesnt cut it as a reason. I need to provide proof of how it affects me. so - if he had of been successful, and was actually DEAD would i have to provide a fucking death certificate????

I'm so angry on so many fronts. I feel like a volcano about to erupt... its bubbly away there, ready to explode... Have a had a couple of false starts - but I can feel it coming.

DH oscilates from saying the right thing to behaving like a complete fucking moron. I told him yesterday that he had to choose between alcohol or his family. No choice really is there??? but to an alcoholic there is a whole lot of debate, justification and bullshit. and what response did I get - the latter. So I took the kids and went out for the afternoon, in an attempt to stem the eruption that is brewing inside of me.

I took them to a lovely park with a great pond in the middle of it, and Aston and I feed the ducks and swans and turtles. It was bittersweet... wonderful, and sad at the same time. I wished that DH was there to see the wonder and delight that was on our little boys face as he interacted with these animals....

so I keep breathing in and out, in and out, go to sleep, and wake up, to do it all over again. living in a holding pattern....

1 comment:

  1. Vicky Hug you are doing the very best you can and may I say an excellent job. The choices are with DH and not you. Take care of you and the kids is all you can do. He will decide to play the game or not


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