I saw my daughter on Saturday for the first time since mid September... since everything tipped upside down. It was so good to put my arms around her and hold her - even if initially she was reluctant.
Its the longest time I have ever not seen her in 15 years.
It hurts still. I miss her terribly. I don't miss the fighting. But I feel like I've picked a scab, and it stings.
Seeing her - well my internal dialogue is rampant again with the words failure.
I wish I could rewind time... back to a time before. Only problem is which point in "before" would I rewind back to? To a time when life was still pregnant with possibility...?
Laura and I March 1996
Posts
If only...
ReplyDeleteNow to find a handkie... ♥
Oh darlin :( It's like we've been shipped to another planet with this teenage gig huh.
ReplyDeleteI find myself looking at pics from when they were babes too. Remembering what it was like. When they were happy. When they showed they loved us, instead of keeping us at the biggest distance they can...
All we can do is let them know we love them. They love us too. I know they do :)
xxxx
Thanks for stopping by Miss Cinders...
ReplyDeleteLast night I spent an hour via skype helping my daughter with her economics assignment. Its actually moments like this that I know it to be true ... she may "leave" me for a while, but she will always be my daughter. as someone recently said to me, we were connected via an umbilical cord...