... that's me at the moment. Faking it 'til I make it. I get up, have a shower, get dressed, put on some make up, and try and pretend. However that gets a whole lot harder to do when you have to change medication.
The process of coming off one anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med and going onto another is particularly unpleasant. Make that FUCKING unpleasent. Well it is for me. Coming off one by reducing the dose by half made me agitated, anxious, angry and down right revolting to be around. (I wanted to punch something. I don't like feeling that way!) I felt like I was above my body watching what was happening, hating every minute of it, and not being able to do anything about it. And having the internal dialogue in my head shouting YOU ARE A FAILURE, FAILURE, FAILURE.
Starting the new med on the first day made me feel nauseous, and agitated and anxious. At least the angry part had gone. By the end of the day I was starting to feel "normal" ... whatever normal is, but at least less agitated and anxious.
I don't want to be around anyone at the moment. My kids, my man, my mother, my animals, my friends... no one or anything. I'm having a pity party by myself, a bowl of dry nutrigrain, and a bottle of coke for company, and stupid catch up TV.... Today I'm not faking it. I'm too tired to pretend.
This week can just disappear...with me... until I come out the other side feeling less like a fruit cake, and more like a relative 'sane' individual.
This is my grumble sunday. Thanks Madam Bipolar... I feel slighty better just for blurting and whinging and having a pity party.
As an aside has anyone seen this new ad: