Perfect or honest?

I don't have a perfect relationship with my children. Its hard to have a perfect relationship with anyone when you live with a mental illness (PTSD and Acute Anxiety Disorder) is there really such a thing as a perfect relationship anyway? But I know unequivocally that I have an honest one with my children. For me that is far more important then "perfect". One thing that I have told Laura and Nathan (and will do for Aston) is that if they ever find themselves in a situation where they or a friend...

Read More

Adrift

  I read my stars this morning and it described so perfectly how I have been feeling ... "adrift on the ocean". I have been frantically looking for shore, scrambling from side to side of this little boat that I'm in. Its been dipping wildly, taking on water, starting to limp... and the ocean isn't even turbulent. I'm creating my own waves, rocking my own boat... Its time to be still. All my needs can be taken care of in this boat. Lie back, look at the stars, the moon. Make shapes,...

Read More

tears, accomplishments and the black dog

I got into the car, and tears came unbidden. I struggled to keep them from overflowing. I looked out the window, and tried to surreptitiously wipe them away, desperately hoping that she, or anyone else for that matter, would not notice. __________________________________________________________________________________ A few days before, Nathan had asked me what was my greatest accomplishment. Without even thinking about it, my answer was, "You guys, my children." "Oh." was his response. Then...

Read More