Life on the hill: November 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

four years ago today...

... my youngest son was born.

This is such a bittersweet day for me. It was my best birth experience. Within a couple of minutes of Aston being born he was placed on me, skin to skin, with warm blankets placed over both of us. I have no recollection of them sewing me up, because I was too busy falling in love with this amazing gift that had been given to me.

I had so desperately hoped that his arrival would mark the beginning of an awakening in R - Of selflessness, of understanding, of healing, of kindness.... unfortunately it wasn't to be. But I realise now that it marked an awakening in ME... of healing, of understanding, of forgiveness, of joy... of rainbows after storms...of so many things. He helped me to re-focus on what was really important, after being through trying times. He helped me re-focus on what was really important in my life.. the present of my three children, and the lessons that I have learnt from all of them, and continue to learn.

Aston was born with the innate ability to bring joy. He has a sense of humour that belies his years. If he gets someone laughing - really deep belly laughing, then he has accomplished his mission. He also has deep emotional intelligence, and can pick up on someone's sadness quickly, and will often asked me why someone is sad, having only been around them briefly.

I will sit and watch him, and consequently end up viewing the world through his eyes... and what a gift that is. Because the world is a pretty amazing place... especially when you peel back the layers of cynicism, bitterness, anger, frustration... and view it through the purity of a child's eyes.

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR!!!

out with the old...

.... and in the with the new.

I believe that for new things to be able to enter your life, you have to make room for them by getting rid of things you no longer need/use/want....

So FINALLY I have started getting rid of stuff. early last week I went through the play room. Two massive garbage bags and several shopping bags, and a box of stuff went in the bin. The car boot is full to the top of stuff to take to the charity bins. My art stuff is tidy, and some paintings even on display.

all the toys have a place, the tv is back, with the playstation in tow. Maybe now I will get my lounge room back....

48 hours...

So I started my weekend away after dropping the boys off driving two hours to Brisbane. Was an easy drive, and I didn't get lost so I was rather happy with myself. Then I got out of the car... seems my knee doesnt particularly like being in a similar position for two hours at a time still... was a bit creaky and sore when I got out of the car. I had plenty of time to get ready, have a corona with lime, and sit back and relax. My cousin's partner drove us in to the theatre and we were throughly entertained by the production... especially the nice hot bodies prancing around the stage...... yum.

On Saturday I woke up feeling particularly revolting... my period had arrived. Joy. and the pain was incredible. So the idea of walking around southbank markets, or the art gallery was somewhat unappealing. add to that weather being some what unco-operative, we decided to go to the movies. We saw The Social Network. It was an interesting movie about the creation of facebook. How factual it was I'm not sure, but I enjoyed it. And sitting down for a couple of hours was far more appealing then walking around...

There are new markets up the road from my cousin, so we checked them out in the afternoon, and I decided to spoil myself. My oil burner that I loved broke, and I am missing having melts burning. So I was on the look out for a new one.... and found this --------------------------->>>> I LOVE IT! It looks amazing when its lit. I have put it in my room, and it marks the beginning of me revamping my living space.

I also decided to buy myself an "I love you" present - because I love ME! Looked at lots and lots of different rings... I had an idea in my head of what I wanted. I had seen a ring in Tree of Life that I liked, but it didn't fit. I finally found one that fit and was just perfect.

In the afternoon after we got back Annie and I made melts and candles. She is in the process of setting up her own business of melts and candles. It was so relaxing and lovely sitting at my cousin's house, surrounded by candles, and melts, the air infused with scent, Corona and lime in hand, and good music. was some what sublime.

I am going to start making melts and candles as well, and sell them for her under her business name here on the coast. On wednesday I'm going to order the supplies, and on monday and tuesday I am going to go scouring the op shops looking for containers to make candles in....

really looking forward to it. feeling ready to shed another skin, and let my new one shine....

the end of 2010 is quickly approaching...

... and I just had a re-read of the first post for the year

so what off that list have I done...

got a tattoo - two actually.
reconnecting with my children every day, and laughing, playing, dancing, singing, and just being with them.
painted - a little.. not as much as I would have liked to - but the year isnt over ;-)
write - have been - here on this blog
decided not to move house until I have to go

I think that the first on my list I have achieved, or are achieving. I was thinking about this the other day. I remember Anne, my therapist saying to me that I would need at least 12 months to recover, to start feeling more in control, and less in a state of chaos. and its nearly 12 months. At the end of January it will be 12 months since I made the decision to completely cut R out of my life. And while it has been tumultuous at times, I don't think its been traumatic. I do feel calmer, and more in control, and more peaceful...

work in progress...

we're all going on a summer break...

... well that's kind of what this weekend is... a break. and while we aren't all going to together, every one of is excited. Aston has beent talking about going away all week, Nat loves to hang out with his best mate any time, and Laura gets to do girly stuff all weekend. None of them could care less that Mum is going away for the weekend...

Had the strangest dream last night - very intense, and um... er... yeh... intense. Starring Mr Darcy. wtf?? Maybe because originally this weekend I was going to be spending with him? Needless to say I'm feeling somewhat frustrated today. I'll be glad when "he" is just a distant memory. Even though I know that I did the right thing in ending it with him - I did really like him... even if he did annoy me at times. sigh.

bloody itches that need scratching...

the counter...

... you know that "gadget" on the side of this blog that counts the number of visitors?

I'm wondering why I put it there. Vanity? Stupidity? the begininings of truly being a blog ~~whore~~ ahem I mean mum...

from here do I go to advertising? buttons? inane posts (oh, already do that...)

Nah - can't be arsed. all seems like too much work personally. and I already have enough stuff that I don't keep on top of...

so I guess for now I will just keep the little counter gadget for my own curiosity, and the knowledge that somebody stops by to read the ramblings of moi.

its all about me...

I feel somewhat at ease with where my head is at the moment. Mind you that can all change of the head of a pin, (especially as my body is fraught with PMT hormones!!) but for right now its ok. Think I'm learning to sit in the moment. Better late then never eh?

Are so looking forward to this weekend. Its all about ME! Off to see West Side Story tomorrow night, then breakfast at Southbank and the markets and then the art gallery on Saturday, and dinner out of Saturday night, then catching up with my best friend on the way home on the Sunday... 48 hours or more all about me!!! The chance to dress up, wear heels, eat yummy food, get a little drunk, not have to worry about anyone else but myself..... bliss.

can you tell I'm a little bit excited?

I blog in my sleep...

... or at least blog while I'm trying to fall asleep. I write whole posts in my head. witty, well thought out, even inspiring on occasion.

Now if I can just figure out how to download my brain entries onto the computer. Would save the whole boring task of typing it up....

Succulent Wild Woman ...

... that's what I want to be. I remember several years ago seeing a book by that name. The cover was beautiful, colourful, vivacious, joyful... Succulent Wild Woman was written by Susan Kennedy. Yesterday I was thinking about that book, and googled it - thank god for google eh?

and there was that beautiful colourful vivacious joyful artwork leaping off the screen. I signed up for her eNewletter. I read through her site. checked out her latest book Glad No Matter What: Transforming Loss and Change into Gift and Opportunity and felt like she was speaking to ME. that she was right here in front of me speaking to me. Have you ever had that happen? Read something and felt like the author had be viewing your life? Needless to say the book has gone on my list of books - but right at the top.

for signing up to her site, you get access to three days of her Awesome Adventure Anytime - a 30 day program that she has designed. The first of the emails arrived - Change in Routine. In it she makes suggestions about changing your routine - by changing your routine, you can get out the funk you may have fallen into... the funk I have fallen in to. So I am going to actively try to climb out of the funk hole.... and will begin by changing my routine...

how - not quite sure yet - but stay tuned - I'll let you know. I'm on the journey of becoming a Succulent (I LOVE that word) Wild Woman.

spring

I love this time of year, when it starts getting darker later. Yesterday I went to pick up Aston from daycare, and took Nathan, Trixie and a soccer ball with me. Laura was already in town, so I arranged for her to meet us at the park. I dropped into the supermarket to grab some things, including a bag of lollipops, and met the kids at the park.

It was so funny watching this little puppy running full tilt, chasing Aston, Nathan and Laura, playing soccer - much to Nat's delight. We were all in hysterics at her antics. Such little things, that brought lots of joy. On the way home, with the radio blaring, I glanced in the rear vision mirror, and Aston was singing his heart out to Rhiannon, face scrunched up in emotion, playing the air guitar. Well that was it, Nathan, Laura and I were in fits of laughter, which just made Aston rock out even harder. We were sitting in the car outside of the house doubled over in laughter while he did a re-endition of a Paramour song. No twinkle little star or ba ba black sheep for this boy thank you.

So good to laugh... really is the little things that make your heart smile.