Monday, August 2, 2010

round and round and round and round.... does it ever friggin stop??

I have often said that I feel like I was dropped from outerspace into my family - the one I came from - not the one I have made. God is that feeling amped tonight!!

I got home about half an hour ago (10.30pm) from picking up my neice Louise - left at 7.15, just after dinner - thinking I'd be back by 9 at the very latest. After I had gotten off the phone this afternoon to Lou, I rang my sister, and sent her a text, to tell her that Louise had contacted me, and ask to come and live here. She didn't answer, or reply. Rang my mother - to at least let someone know that Louise had contacted me, and that I had attempted to contact Kylie - mum... messy. sigh. understandable.

as i'm on the way down to get Lou, Kylie texts me, wanting me to call her. so I did. told her that I had spoken to Lou and that she wanted to come and live with me. Kylie's answer - You can have her. She's dead to me - I don't want anything to do with her - or you! and hung up on me. ten minutes later, my mobile rings - its Kylie. I cant understand a word she is saying... garbled howling, and in between ..,. he's dead... garbled howling. I yelled down the phone to her WHO IS DEAD?... because I thought she was talking about Jayden, my nephew. She says - BeBe My dog - He's dead! He just got run over - so I KNOW that Louise is dead to me - I got the dog for Louise, and on the day she leaves he get's run over!!! You can have her - good luck you gonna need it - she's a handful!" and hangs up again.

By now, I've slowed to a halt on the 110km/hour Bruce highway, because they are doing night road works on the friggin thing - and my battery on my phone starts beeping - i have one bar left. Great. Finally get going again after 20 mins. While I'm sitting there waiting - I'm thinking fuck - do I tell louise that her dog's been run over? or do I wait? she's already a mess....

blah blah blah blah.... See - that's why I SWEAR I was dropped by aliens into my family.

The journey home, Louise sitting in the passenger seat tears rolling down her face, and me holding her hand... stopped got a hot fudge sundae from Mickey Dee's drive thru - chocolate and icecream are good in a crisis...

Just reread what I have written - and there is a edge of hysteria in my written voice....

I spoke to her a little - she asked about school... - she goes to school in Mountain Creek. There is no physically possible way I can get her there - she starts at 7.30am. I said to her - darlin' there is no way I can get you there. I know how you are feeling right now - I really really do, and the last thing you want to have to do is start another friggin school (like me, she has been to oh - 14 probably...maybe more) .... Can I get a bus? she asks...

in the end I said to her to lets just get through tonight, and we will figure out what we are going to do tomorrow... I'll help her sort through it... somehow.

I want to THROTTLE my sister right now. I'm furious - on so many fronts - as a woman, as a mother, as her sister, as the kid that had very similar things happen to her! FUCK!!!! ...

breath Vicky.

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