Wednesday, May 9, 2012

absent

we have been apart nearly as long as we were together.

don't you think its time to let all your anger go? it doesn't only hurt you. it hurts them

you don't have to like me. but we will always be connected regardless. because we made them... and they are so much more then a "business transaction".

I tried so hard. to keep you to connected to them. and them to you. yet ... it didn't happen. Time and time again you chose to be absent, rather then present. Why? You missed so much. You chose anger over putting their needs first.

Let the first one of us who hasn't made a mistake with them throw the first stone. I KNOW it wont be me. I KNOW I have made plenty. I have owned those mistakes - to them, begged forgiveness. Have you?

I moved through you being absent in my life a long time ago. moving through you being absent in theirs is a lot harder. Even now, when you are there, right in front of them, You are still absent.

I have to remember. Have no expectations. Then there are no disappointments.

The only trouble with that is I'm not the one with expectations, or the one that feels so disappointed... I'm the one who sees their disappointment and hurt. Why can't you?






9 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you Kelley - yes it is heartbreaking. Very. I deviate between wanting to pick up a 2x4 and smack him over the head yelling wake the fuck up, and throwing my heads up in the air...

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  2. So sorry, Vicky. Sometimes life really sucks.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, yes it does... Keep quoting that mantra, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think I must be equivalent to the hulk by now.

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  3. Heart rending. I am really sorry.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you... It's a roller coaster ride...

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  4. Gorgeous I'm so sorry that really is tough x

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  5. I love you mum.

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