standing still and hating it

Went off to the preadmission clinic on Thursday - all going well, until they looked at my knee. And there is a mosquito bite on it. Right where they would be operating. so had a consult with a ortho, who said that because I'm having a reconstruction, that the risk of infection to the bone graph was too risky.... so its been postponed for two weeks.

what a week of ups and downs - its getting done, its not getting done, its getting done, its not getting done. exhausting for my head space.

feeling very blergh today. and can't pinpoint exactly why. maybe its just a myriad of reasons all rolled into one.

There are so many things I NEED to do! but I completely lack the motivation or desire to do it. Paperwork to be sorted through, cupboards to be sorted out, basically the whole house needs an overhaul. sigh.

Just feel in a funk at the moment. limbo. not going forward, not going backward, not going anyway - just stationary. Plus I feel like if I'm sick of myself, then everyone else must be as well.

would like to run away, and start a different life as someone else...