Tuesday, November 24, 2009

this rollercoaster ride just never seems to end...

I haven't blogged for months, because all I have had to say is more of the same. The roller coaster has been never ending. Just when I think I have come to the end, the ride doesn't stop but speeds on up.

I hit the wall massively on Saturday evening, and with it comes the realisation that if I dont put myself first I'm going to end up in hospital. My PTSS is rife, and I'm currently feeling disassociated. Like I'm here watching myself. I can't remember conversations, i'm shaking all the time again, and the hyper vigelence and hyper startle response is ramped to max.

You would think that because i have the ability to actually write these things down that I would be able to control them. If anything it just makes me more frustrated that I can't stop it.

Its damaging my relationships with my children, which breaks my heart. I have to stop it before it gets beyond repair.

i guess as the saying goes... pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.....

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