Monday, November 29, 2010

four years ago today...

... my youngest son was born.


This is such a bittersweet day for me. It was my best birth experience. Within a couple of minutes of Aston being born he was placed on me, skin to skin, with warm blankets placed over both of us. I have no recollection of them sewing me up, because I was too busy falling in love with this amazing gift that had been given to me.

I had so desperately hoped that his arrival would mark the beginning of an awakening in R - Of selflessness, of understanding, of healing, of kindness.... unfortunately it wasn't to be. But I realise now that it marked an awakening in ME... of healing, of understanding, of forgiveness, of joy... of rainbows after storms...of so many things. He helped me to re-focus on what was really important, after being through trying times. He helped me re-focus on what was really important in my life.. the present of my three children, and the lessons that I have learnt from all of them, and continue to learn.

Aston was born with the innate ability to bring joy. He has a sense of humour that belies his years. If he gets someone laughing - really deep belly laughing, then he has accomplished his mission. He also has deep emotional intelligence, and can pick up on someone's sadness quickly, and will often asked me why someone is sad, having only been around them briefly.

I will sit and watch him, and consequently end up viewing the world through his eyes... and what a gift that is. Because the world is a pretty amazing place... especially when you peel back the layers of cynicism, bitterness, anger, frustration... and view it through the purity of a child's eyes.

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR!!!






out with the old...

.... and in the with the new.

I believe that for new things to be able to enter your life, you have to make room for them by getting rid of things you no longer need/use/want....

So FINALLY I have started getting rid of stuff. early last week I went through the play room. Two massive garbage bags and several shopping bags, and a box of stuff went in the bin. The car boot is full to the top of stuff to take to the charity bins. My art stuff is tidy, and some paintings even on display.

all the toys have a place, the tv is back, with the playstation in tow. Maybe now I will get my lounge room back....

Sunday, November 21, 2010

48 hours...

So I started my weekend away after dropping the boys off driving two hours to Brisbane. Was an easy drive, and I didn't get lost so I was rather happy with myself. Then I got out of the car... seems my knee doesnt particularly like being in a similar position for two hours at a time still... was a bit creaky and sore when I got out of the car. I had plenty of time to get ready, have a corona with lime, and sit back and relax. My cousin's partner drove us in to the theatre and  we were throughly entertained by the production... especially the nice hot bodies prancing around the stage...... yum.

On Saturday I woke up feeling particularly revolting... my period had arrived. Joy. and the pain was incredible. So the idea of  walking around southbank markets, or the art gallery was somewhat unappealing. add to that weather being some what unco-operative, we decided to go to the movies. We saw The Social Network. It was an interesting movie about the creation of facebook. How factual it was I'm not sure, but I enjoyed it. And sitting down for a couple of hours was far more appealing then walking around...

There are new markets up the road from my cousin, so we checked them out in the afternoon, and I decided to spoil myself. My oil burner that I loved broke, and I am missing having melts burning. So I was on the look out for a new one.... and found this --------------------------->>>>       I LOVE IT! It looks amazing when its lit. I have put it in my room, and it marks the beginning of me revamping my living space.

I also decided to buy myself an "I love you" present - because I love ME! Looked at lots and lots of different rings... I had an idea in my head of what I wanted. I had seen a ring in Tree of Life that I liked, but it didn't fit. I finally found one that fit and was just perfect.

In the afternoon after we got back Annie and I made melts and candles. She is in the process of setting up her own business of melts and candles. It was so relaxing and lovely sitting at my cousin's house, surrounded by candles, and melts, the air infused with scent, Corona and lime in hand, and good music. was some what sublime.

I am going to start making melts and candles as well, and sell them for her under her business name here on the coast. On wednesday I'm going to order the supplies, and on monday and tuesday I am going to go scouring the op shops looking for containers to make candles in....

really looking forward to it. feeling ready to shed another skin, and let my new one shine....

Friday, November 19, 2010

the end of 2010 is quickly approaching...

... and I just had a re-read of the first post for the year

so what off that list have I done...

got a tattoo - two actually.
reconnecting with my children every day, and laughing, playing, dancing, singing, and just being with them.
painted - a little.. not as much as I would have liked to - but the year isnt over ;-)
write - have been - here on this blog
decided not to move house until I have to go

I think that the first on my list I have achieved, or are achieving. I was thinking about this the other day. I remember Anne, my therapist saying to me that I would need at least 12 months to recover, to start feeling more in control, and less in a state of chaos. and its nearly 12 months. At the end of January it will be 12 months since I made the decision to completely cut R out of my life. And while it has been tumultuous at times, I don't think its been traumatic. I do feel calmer, and more in control, and more peaceful...

work in progress...

we're all going on a summer break...

... well that's kind of what this weekend is... a break. and while we aren't all going to together, every one of is excited. Aston has beent talking about going away all week, Nat loves to hang out with his best mate any time, and Laura gets to do girly stuff all weekend. None of them could care less that Mum is going away for the weekend...

Had the strangest dream last night - very intense, and um... er... yeh... intense. Starring Mr Darcy. wtf?? Maybe because originally this weekend I was going to be spending with him? Needless to say I'm feeling somewhat frustrated today. I'll be glad when "he" is just a distant memory. Even though I know that I did the right thing in ending it with him - I did really like him... even if he did annoy me at times. sigh.

bloody itches that need scratching...

 

Blog Design by Sommerfugl Design