I have so many thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head. It feels like it is going to burst in a kaleidoscopic mess. One thought doesn't end before it shoots off in another tangent. Another thought, another tangent.
The noise in my head is deafening.
But to look at me, you would think there was nothing going on inside. Sometimes - often - I look void of ... everything. Feelings, emotions, thoughts.
While inside my head a cacophony plays.
To still the noise in my mind I realised that I need to write. It doesn't matter what I write. I just need to write. I haven't been writing. I haven't been doing anything. I have been in a form of stasis.
Is this how a caterpillar feels? When it slows down, spins its cocoon around itself and disappears within? Does some innate sense signal that the change is complete, that the only way to still the noise is to break free of the safe haven it created for itself, stretch its new butterfly wings, dry them in the sunlight and take flight?
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I saw my therapist today. She reminded me of something that I had forgotten.
I am responsible for my happiness.
I think its time to start nibbling my way out of my cocoon.
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One would think, dear lady, that cocoons are designed not only for metamorphoses but also for preservation of the most fragile parts of the caterpillar ... there comes a point in the darkest hour before dawn, the final moments before change and the last breathe before a being leaps from the heights, in which the soul is in it's most raw and genuine state ... To want to change and shake off repetitions is to embody a burgeoning butterfly chrysalis ... it is not a bad thing. It is change. It is already happening. You are moving ever forward, the skin will split with each step further that you make. You are stronger now for what you have been through then. Xxx
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