Life on the hill: March 2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

This isn't about me this is about ...

... Aston. That's what I have to constantly remind myself every time there is any interaction with R. Each visitation, each webcam session... and the consequent fallout behaviour of Aston... I have to remind myself that this is about Aston... That regardless of how I feel about his father, Aston has the right to have a relationship with him. Regardless if I feel like R doesn't deserve to, that just because he is Aston's father, doesn't mean he has the right to be his dad. ... And there is a big...

seems I've started leaping like this penguin...

Since I took that leap I seemed to be taking lots of them! Last Friday I decided to stop talking about participating in my cousin's business Blazin' Hussy and actually do something about it. I ordered the equipment I needed to start making candles and melts, and it has now all arrived. I'm itching to start playing with it! And I have taken another leap.... I have um'ed and ah'ed about M meeting the kids. The lioness within is still oh high alert (I wonder if she ever will not be.....?)...

why is it not ok for "real" men to cry?

ok - so that is a rhetorical question obviously. But its something I have been pondering all day - and have pondered before... Why do men (and of course I am making generalisations here - because I do know that there are men out there that don't have a problem with crying) consider crying to be weak or that your a "girl". There is a whole generation, make that two generations of men- (probably more if I researched it) that consider crying to be a sign of weakness. My own 12 year old son, who is...

sometimes...

you just need moments like these to know that everything is going to be ok. ...

sometimes it sucks when you can view a situation through so many lenses...

... especially this situation. A situation that continually raises its ugly head time and time again. A situation that puts me in a place of damn if I do, damn if I don't. Lou turns 16 in less then a month. for the last two years we have been doing this dance where because of the shortcomings of her mother she ends up here at my house for a while. the first time was when she was 14, and she was here for 2 months.... and probably would have ended up still if it hadn't been for R. Twice last year...

monthversary....

... that's not even a word really is it? and more then a little bit corny... and teenagery... but its my blog and I can write what I want, and if I want to be corny and teenagery then I will. (insert picture here of me pouting!) M spent the weekend at my place. all the kids were away. I had rest and recreation time for 48 hours and refilled the tank.... which has kind of left me feeling like this.... with a decidedly purring noise coming from my belly...... Have decided I must really really...

Sometimes when you leap you don't necessarily fall flat on your face...

Which is what I decided to do when I sent an email to a complete stranger, saying I'm deleting my account, if you want to get in contact here's the details.... So we text back and forth, working out a time to speak on the phone that worked for both of us. I was supposed to call one night, and changed it because I wanted to watch Packed to the Rafters... anyway, eventually we connected, and talked for a couple of hours on the phone... with me ending the call so he could go to bed, and not wrap himself...