no I'm not getting Married.
Well to be precise I'm moving in with M.
We made this decision three months ago. When his lease is up in mid September we are moving in together. Its taken me three months to not feel both terrified and excited. Now I just feel excited... and a tad frustrated, because I'm not the most patient person in the world, and would just like it to be done!
Why was I terrified?
Well my track record to date in regards to relationships where two people co-exist under the same roof is pretty dismal. A constant internal dialogue chattered in my brain - Are you insane?... No, I don't think this is a good idea, I'll just continue to live here on the hill not going forward, its safer... What will everyone think?... Are you fucking insane?? .... Once, twice, three times???.... I've changed my mind, I'm not going to do it... This is a really bad idea... Why mess with something that is perfect the way it is?... on and on it went 'til it wasn't a question of are you fucking insane, I actually started to feel insane. Cue my old friend anxiety and her sister panic attacks.
Good thing I have such a great counsellor, who is happy to listen and help me unravel the madness that is my mind.
So my view will be changing from one filled with mountains, rolling fields, kangaroos, and cows to roof tops and tv aerials - but the man who makes my heart sing will be in the picture. And I can live with that.