Life on the hill: February 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I had such a beautiful weekend. My lovely friend Gill, and her two gorgeous daughters came to stay. Eden and Aston played so wonderfully all weekend - even without sleeps! Ivy, who is now just over six weeks, is such a precious little thing. It was so lovely to sit and watch her gaze into her mother's eyes, a love so deep and complete. I was lucky enough to have lots of cuddles, and feel that ache that only holding a new born can bring.

Its the little things...

Yesterday and today have been physically hard as I have not had much sleep. Wednesday night after a fantastic day, I went to bed at my usual time - 11.45pm, after trying to get to sleep for an hour, my nose was driving me nuts, and I was coughing, I decided to get up and at least one of would get some sleep! Had a cold and flu tablet, and a hot water with honey, and laid down on the lounge to watch some tv while I waited for the drugs to kick in. ended up watching the part one of a miniseries called Britz. Went back to bed at 2am, and aston woke at 5am, but I was able to convince him to go back to sleep. I woke at 6.30, and nathan, gorgeous boy, had changed aston's nappy, and got him dressed for the day. Nat requested that Aston and I come to school to have morning tea with him, so we did. It was lovely to watch Nathan proudly showing off his little brother, and of course, Aston adored all the attention!

Last night I went to bed at around the same time, and aston woke at 3am... and no amount of convincing him that it was still sleeping time was working. so by 4am him and I got up for the day. Thankfully, by 9am when he started getting cranky with his toys, I knew it was time for us both to have a sleep, so we did, for 2.5 hours. So I woke up feeling a little better, but have a filthy headache which I know is because of lack of sleep. hopefully i will be able to fall into bed tonight at a reasonable hour and sleep!!!

when the sun shines in your heart

I have had such a wonderful day today. I did some shopping this morning, and picked up some great bargains. New pair of shoes for me, a present for my mother's birthday, and a kitchen for Aston. Then I had coffee with a gorgeous friend and her 8month old little girl. Was great to catch up with her. After that I went an had a long lunch with another girlfriend. We sat and chatted for nearly 3 hours!

And then... when I went to pick Aston up from play school, the director approached me about doing a fundraiser with my Learning Ladder business!

It has left me feeling fantastic.... the best I have felt it ages. Its so good to feel the sun shining again in my heart.

onward and upward...

Feeling rather ordinary, but have had an easy day with the kids at school, and Aston at "play" school. Tried to sleep during the day, but my head and face hurt to much, so I just watched mindless stuff on tv, which was good, as my brain wasn't functioning all that well.

Even though my body is feeling rather ordinary, my head space is feeling better then it has in a while. I got my time table for Uni today, and have a lecture and tutorial on a Wednesday, and Thursday. Will have to do a bit of juggling with Aston, hopefully will be able to change a day at play school. I think my head space is positive because I have something to look forward to. Orientation is next Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. I will go in the morning on Monday, go for the interview at EMMA and then go back to orientation.

Richard is feeling rather disgruntled with work. There have been lots of changes with the amalgmation of the councils, and the employees that have been there for a 1000 years are not coping very well. Richard has embraced the change, which is probably easier for him to do as he has only worked there for 2 years, one of them pre amalgmation. He comes home each night and vents about what has happened during the day. I really hope that a great opportunity presents itself soon that he can apply for. I know he wants to stay working for the council, but is really over working with the crew he is with.

Laura's leg is improving each day. She has a swimming carnival on Thursday, and is going to compete. She has incredible tenacity that kid. I look at her every day, and are amazed that this young woman standing before me is my child. She is enjoying high school, and the new experiences she is having. She has joined the SES cadets, and Im really proud of her.

Nathan has one last session of rep training for football next Monday. He has been trying so hard. they will find out next week if they have been selected for the A team, B team or not at all.... I so hope he gets selected. it will do wonders for his self confidence. He is so amazing with Aston. And of course Aston just idolises him.

Aston is talking up a storm...every day there is new words, and sentences... Sometimes you can see his brain is moving faster then he can get his mouth to work. :) Singing songs, lots of pretend play, and likes to be boss.

A girlfriend is taking me to lunch tomorrow for my birthday (belated birthday lunch). Shall be lovely to be spoilt.

About six months ago a friend told me about a community organisation called EMMA (Educating, Mentoring Mothering Adolescents) for 15 - 21yo first time mums. Its run by an Organsition called http://www.lifebridge.com.au/emma.html I was really interested in finding out more about it. Its been floating around in my head since I heard about it. 2 weeks ago I sent an email enquiring about how I can help. Yesterday someone called me, and I am going to become a mentor. I'm really excited about this. And they want to find out more about my learning ladder business. This took me by surprise, I had forgotten that in my email, my signature has all my details about the Learning Ladder on it.I feel like I have the opportunity to stand beside young women, and support them at a time that can be both amazing and overwhelming. An opportunity to pay it forward...I had some beautiful women stand beside me on my journey as a mother, that have made a massive difference to the type of mother I want to be.

what i did today

I have felt lately that the days all mesh into each other, so I have decided to make a note of what I achieved during the day...

After a fairly sleepless night with the little man - I got up at 8am, and decided to jump in the shower, in the hope that I would make me feel wide awake!! Made the bed, got dressed, and had a cup of tea. Threw 2 loads of washing on, and then played with the little man for most of the morning. Duplo, followed by sandpit, and a big walk down the driveway to the creek. At Aston's request "shower with mummy?" we had shower and laid down together in my room in the airconditioning. by this time it was just past mid day. The next time I looked at the clock it was 2.30!

Had a quick snack, and then decided to go a baking feast! Made fruit loaf for breakfasts, fruit cake x 2, little fruit cakes in the mini muffin tins for Aston to take to play school, Jelly for dessert tonight, and custard as well. Did some drawing with Aston, then made a salad for dinner, and got the potatoes ready to be baked in the oven for dinner. Richard has made chicken keiv, which is just about ready.

there are no ordinary moments

With all the bushfires going on in Victoria, and the floods in north Queensland it has caused me to think about what is important to me. In the event that there was a fire what would I take? I lay in bed the other night and mentally went through the house looking and evaluating things.... in the end the only things I would take with me, other then my children of course, are their memory boxes, and the photos I have of them (which now living in the digital age, mean taking the computer because that's where any photos over the last two years are!). Everything else can be replaced.

I thought it was interesting that I no longer place importance and value of "stuff". Once upon a time I was very caught up with stuff... and having lots of it. I think that when the bottom fell out of my world, PTSD and acute anxiety order took hold, and I was so busy surviving through each day - that a major shift in perspective occured. I no longer need to fill my life with "stuff", and instead are far more fullfilled filling it with experiences - be that of playing with my two year old, sitting on the lounge stroking my 13 year old daughters hair, or having a big cuddle with my 10 year old son to watching the sun set, listening to the rain falling, seeing a child enter the world.... the list goes on and on.

I watched a movie this week The Peaceful Warrior about an olympian Dan Millman. There was so much that resonated with in watching that movie, that I went seeking more information about it once I realised that it was based on a true story. This is what I found http://www.danmillman.com//index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

One of the things that was said in the film is "there are no ordinary moments" Since watching it, I have found extraordinary moments everywhere. Try it sometime, sit, be, watch.... you will be amazed at what transpires.

needing matchsticks...

After such a lovely evening last night, the change of weather has turned on my boys. Nathan has asthma, and I think that Aston will eventually be diagnosed with it as well. Nathan has been wheezy for the last couple of days - the fact that he won't manage his asthma contributes to this. He is at an age where if he pretends he doesn't have it, then maybe he won't.... which makes it rather interesting at times. The change in the weather from hot and humid, the cooler and humid has no doubt been the trigger.

Yesterday afternoon when Aston woke from his afternoon nap, he sounded wheezy, and was a little cranky. But seemed to come good... fast forward to 10.30 last night. He woke with a croupy cough, and fast shallow breathing. I have no predisone (the medication used to treat croup), so gave him some puffs of ventolin, and sat with upright on my lap for half an hour. Thank god for austar and Playhouse Disney! Was enough to keep him distract, and calmed down, while I got him to have the puffer. All he wanted to do was sleep, poor little man. His breathing settled, and I put him back to bed - knowing that it would only last a little while... so I jumped into bed too.

12.45am he is coughing and wheezing again. This time Richard woke up as well. Ran the shower and steamed up the bathroom, and gave him some more ventolin. Got the vaporiser going, and sat with him upright until his breathing settled. I ended up laying on his bed for the rest of the night listening to his breathing...

So I'm feeling rather tired this morning. He is still wheezy, but happy in himself, in fact he is jumping all over the lounge as I type! We have an appointment at 11am at the doctor, and no doubt will get a script for redipred. sigh. I hate giving it to him.

I had so many things planned to do today - oh well - just have to let it go, and be in this moment.

the simple things in life are free

I'm never ceased to be amazed at how much joy my children can bring me. The blessing that is Aston means that my big kids Laura and Nathan can stay in the innocence of childhood just a little longer then if Aston wasn't around. He makes them laugh, and play and wonder in delight just like him. I love it.

This evening after dinner we went out to the back yard to see Jake, our german shephard cross 2 year old puppy. He is two weeks older then Aston. We brought him when Aston was 6 weeks old - yep that's what you do right, have a baby, and go and get a puppy! Not like I had enough to do already. Anyway.... I digress. Aston loves to run. So him and Jake are running up and down the back yard. Before I know it, everyone is outside with us, Laura, Nathan, and Daddy. And of course, little mister bossy boots is ordering everyone around, wanting Laura and Nathan to do running races with him. Then we had to jump on the trampoline.. me as well!

Aston said to me at one stage, "look mummy castle" pointing at the mountain in the distance. Then we had to have a look at the cows. There are usually cows in the field right behind our back yard, but there havent been for a while, so I'm thinking, this will be interesting. He starts to excitedly yell "Cows mummy" and I am looking every where to see where he is talking about...at least a kilometre away in a field are cows! Nothing wrong with his eyesite.

I love living here. I need to remember to sit outside and enjoy it every single day. I forget to do it... and when I remember, it feeds my soul, and I feel peaceful.

Leaf out of a friends book....

I had started a blog on BellyBelly, a parenting forum that I have been a part of since I was pregnant with Aston in 2006. I was going to copy the entries that I had made to that blog over, but on reading them I decided against it. This is a new start, and new page, and I don't want to fill it up with negativity, or sadness. That is what seems to dominate my last blog. Sadness. Is it because I only write when I feel sad, lost, alone, and trying to make sense of my surroundings?

There seems to have been a mass migration out of bellybelly of late. I can only speak for my reasons as to why I don't participate as much as I used to. I guess everything has a season, and maybe my season in that arena has finished.

I have made many many friends through that forum, so for that I am eternally grateful. Some I have been lucky enough to actually meet in real life, including one who asked me to be present at the birth of her second child - a priviledge and a gift.

Another friend that I chat to online with has recently left the forum, and taken stock of her life, and started a blog. She is using it as a record of positivity and action in her life. I like the idea of that. A place to record the good - the bad - the beautiful - the ugly... not just focus on the negativity.

I need a shift in perspective - a change of view so to speak...

So as I take stock of my own life, and what is important in it, what I want to achieve, my successes, and reflections, I will record it. To look back upon and see how far I have come.