Friday, March 28, 2014

Well, I didn't see THAT coming....


I have breast cancer. (DCIS)

They’re words I never thought I would type, let alone say.

My head is spinning on its axis, unable to finish a thought or question, before it has leapt onto the next one.

I’m a tad overwhelmed…. To say the least.

I’m incredibly thankful for my beautiful soul sisters. All of them. But especially Sharon. Because we have been there, done that three years ago. She is my inspiration.

As we sat in the car, and I yelled FUCK FUCK FUCK , she said to me, the words I had stoically said to her nearly three years ago - “We can do this. One step at a time.” And if I believed it then, when I said it to her, I need to believe it now, as she says it to me.

I can do this.

One step at a time.
 
 

32 comments:

  1. I don't have the words, but I want to say something - sending light, love, positive vibes and prayers your way x

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    1. Becky, you said the best words you could have... I gladly receive all the light, love, positive vibes and prayers you sent. xx

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  2. Oh Vicky , I am sending you love and strength. You can do this one step at a time. I will hold you hand and walk with you. I will pray for you too.

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    1. Trish thank you. I have felt your hand many times in the last couple of weeks. And the beauty of it, it's extended while you travel on your own journey. Every time we connect, you remind me of what strength is. And for that I'm eternally grateful. xx

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  3. Honey, I can't believe we're there again. Sharon will be a beautiful support & she's right. Sending you as much love as I can xo

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    1. I can't believe we are here again either! And Sharon is doing exactly what I need her to be doing. Making sure my babies are ok. Because right now, I can't. xx

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  4. I was very sad to read your post. The depth of your love for your kids, your soul sisters support and your love of life will give you the energy to fight this one. Sending you a bucket of love and prayers

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    1. I have replied so many times to the message you sent me Dianne, and never press enter. Thank you for the book suggestion. I will be looking for it. It will be a good tool to help me refocus. And painting and creating are good for my soul. And I need to be doing lots and lots of things that are good for my soul right now. Miss you and Svein muchly xxx

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  5. I'm here for you when you need to vent. Hold your family near, you will be strong enough to beat this. I have faith in you. Let me know if I can do anything xxxxxxxxxx

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    1. Leigh, your SBTBHABITSOFHAPPINESS keeps me looking for something, anything, in every single day. I think its the one thing that is keeping me from succumbing completely to the pull of the depression that has its teeth around my throat. I keep looking for silver linings. Even when I don't want to. Thank you so very very much xx

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  6. Oh, Vicky, no! I am so, so sorry to hear this. How scary and unsettling for you to hear this sober news. You have been through so much and if I know anything about you, I know you are a survivor. You will face this with the same optimism, tenacity and grace that has seen you through everything else so far. Much, much love to you. xo

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    1. Right now, this moment, my optimism, tenacity and grace have been replaced by overwhelming sadness. Oscillating all over the place with my feelings right now. I treated myself to a hair cut today, and some new clothes, and went out with a friend... and was feeling good. Right up until I got into bed, and did what I seem to do every night lately - sob.
      Just now, words that were said to me another time, during another difficult time in me life came into my head "This too shall pass" And it will. Just wish I didn't have to feel all the feels in the duration! Thank you. For believing in me. xx

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  7. One step at a time until you get to the other side is the only way through. you can do this. Just keep swimming x

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    1. I think I may change my name to Dory, Kate. All I seem to do is fucking swim. Sorry... feeling low tonight. Thank you for believing in me though. xx

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  8. Oh bloody hell Vicky. Thinking of you lovey. You CAN do this. Sending your my prayers.

    Anne xx

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    1. Feeling a little wobbly tonight Anne. I know I CAN do it... just ... I don't bloody want to! But, the cards have fallen and I really don't have a choice. Will take all the prayers, and love I can get right now. xx

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  9. You can do this! Sending love and light, you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever want someone to talk too, just let me know. xxxxx N

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    1. Oh thank you Nikki. I may just take you up on that. xx

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  10. I'm so sorry to hear this Vicky. Fuck cancer. But you are one strong person, and I know you will fight this. So glad you have soul sisters to support you. x

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    1. Yep Bronnie. FUCK CANCER! ALL THE CANCERS! I'm not feeling very strong right now, this minute. Other minutes, I feel a little stronger. And I guess for right now, its ok to feel both. xx

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  11. Oh Vicki I can't believe I missed this sad sad news. Hugs, strength and all the health in the universe from me to you xxx and fuckity fuck fuck

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    1. Yep Em. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck!!! There are been several times in the last three weeks where I have yelled up at the sky "REALLY?? What fucking more??" And then I find beautiful messages from people like you and breathe a little deeper. xxx

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  12. Oh sweetheart. I've only just seen this. Sending you much love and light xx

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    1. Thank you lovely. I'm very gladly receiving it. I need all the love and light I can get at the moment. feeling all the feelings in abundance, and its exhausting. x

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  13. Geez V, where the hello has my brain been? I've been trying to figure out why you have been so down lately when I have caught your status updates etc...

    Love and strength beautiful woman. You've proven you are a fighter, and you can give this a run for its money too.

    MC xo

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    1. Thank you Miss Cinders. I hope I can give this a run for its money. Feeling pretty bloody exhausted and overwhelmed, and oscillate between anger, and acceptance. I'll take all the love and strength you can send, because right now, I'm not feeling very strong at all. xxx

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  14. Got such a shock to read Mrs Woog's post which led me here.. Vicky, I am so very sorry and like all your friends here have said "one day at a time & thinking of you lots" I know hoe much this rocks your world to the core. Such a shitty thing to happen.

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    1. Thank you Denyse. You are such a beautiful woman with a heart as big as a mountain. Knowing that you are holding me in your thoughts means a lot. xx

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  15. Thinking of you girl. You will get through this, determination, stubbornness and bloody-mindedness are all qualities you have in abundance, and I mean that in the nicest possible way! Ha!
    I am rooting for you. Take care Love Lee xx

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    1. Only someone who has known me for 20 years could get away with saying stubbornness and bloody-mindedness in the nicest possible way. Love you Lee. xxx

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  16. Well, Fuck would by my natural reaction too i'd imagine. So it seems you are on track for a positive outcome, because I am something of an optimist. Take all the support you can get and be self nurturing xo light and love to you xo

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  17. Vicki I've just caught up with this news. So very sorry to hear this but you are strong and brave. And not alone with your wonderful supporters. Thinking of you right now so much.

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