Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Hold on tight... we may hit some turbulence...

I can feel my anxiety raising and my throat closing as I get closer and closer to Sunday.

This Sunday marks a change in how Aston sees his dad. From two hour supervised fortnightly visits at an independent centre to supervised by Aston's aunt and uncle at R's house from 10 until 4.

If I said I was fine with it all, I'd be lying. I'm not fine with it. At all.  tentacles of anxiety are tickling in my limbic brain system. The desire to fight or flight is raising in intensity. The little girl who lives within is even throwing a few tantrums ... "I DON'T WANT TO!!!"

I hear words come out my mouth "Aston has the right to have a relationship with his father, and the right to work out who his father by himself. its my job to provide him safe opportunities to do that" and wonder if they sound as empty as I feel them to be...

Just gonna have to dig a little deeper, get out my resources, and remind myself this isn't about me, its about Aston.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Vicky... my heart is with you here...I hear you and feel those tentacles and there is nothing I can say.. know all those feelings well. I hope the support of the many that love you help you through this difficult time. I will be sending you calming and soothing cyber waves on Sunday ♥♥


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