Friday, September 3, 2010

Father's day

is this Sunday. Its been on my mind for a couple of weeks now... brings up a myriad of emotions for me. Sadness for my children, and sadness for the little girl inside of me... and consequently the stress that comes from needing to mother ALL OF THEM... which then leads to frustration and anger at the fathers... and round and round we go.

This year I got the kids to pick father's day cards out to send to their fathers. I have no idea if L & N's father will follow through with reconnecting with them, but at least I know that I have done something that helps L & N reconnect. What HE does is his responsibility.... (a lioness growls in my mind at the thought of him hurting them...)

A also picked a card, and did a picture, and made something at daycare. I dropped all of it off at the S-I-:L's for her to pass on to him. I have received two emails again from him - both begging me not to contact the police, and asking to see A. I haven't responded to the second one - purely because there is nothing else to say.

I'm feeling the stretch of single motherhood rather hugely this week... my tolerance levels are in the negatives, and I know its because I have to refill my cup - but doing that can be at times incredibly hard, having to rely on friends to look after the kids... sometimes I would like to run away.

but I don't. just dig a little deeper, search for something from somewhere, try and change perspective, and see that even though at times I feel like I have it tough - in the big scheme of things - I really don't.

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