Saturday, May 16, 2009

busy busy busy

I just realised that it has been nearly a month since I last blogged. and so much has happened. I have been incredibly busy with uni, trying desperately to catch up with all the backlog of work that has happened becuase the world tipped upside down. slowly getting through it, and looking forward to a three week break at the end of May. Hopefully next term will not be as chaotic...

Things are settling down. DH is on medication for the ADHD, and after some tweaking, he seems to be on the appropriate dose. He has changed doctors, to someone who actually has ADHD herself, and that has been major. He will have better continuity of care, which is important both for the ADHD and his back.

The last month has not been with out its fair share of ups and downs... but the last week has been far more up then it has been in a long time. I went back to my doctor and changed medication, and that has helped to get the PTSS and anxiety under better control. I'm still feeling hypervigelent and hyper startled...but that will take a little while to settle. DH has done lots of random acts of kindness recently... which is totally out of character for him. He would say out of character for the old DH. It takes me by surprise, and I know that my response sometimes hurts him, but as I explained to him, I'm not used to this DH... and I can't help like I am waiting for the old one to rear his ugly head. Which now that he is medicated he actually gets! that would have to be the biggest improvement. Insight. He finally has some. He can see that how he behaved affected us all as a family, and individually, and feels a great sadness over it, which fuels him to do better, improve.

I'm still desperately wanting time out. away from everyone and everything. because I'm exhausted. Its like, now that things are settling down for DH, I am falling apart....but I am taking care of me in the best way I know how. lots of self care, and mediatating, reading books that feed my soul. and sleeping.

I guess its a journey. and while I'm still living day to day, at least the days are nicer to live in.

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