Tuesday, May 4, 2010

a light bulb moment

I had a session with my therapist today. She came to see me, seeing as how I can't drive. I told her hollow I was feeling inside. about how I stuck my neck out so that R would finally go to Robbie's house so Aston could see him.about how angry I am at my mother.

As we talked, and she suggested things, it suddenly dawned on me that the reason I turned myself into a pretzel for the kids, in regards to their absent fathers was because it triggers something deep with in me... that disappointed little vicky...that didn't have a father as he should have been. She pointed out to me as we discussed it further, that the next time a situation presents itself that does exactly that, trigger me, then I put my children's feelings first and foremost, to stop, and think about what was really happening. It is NOT my responsibility to make sure that their fathers have a relationship with them. Its their FATHER's responsibilities. I end up sacrificing myself and my heart, in the hope that my children's hearts won't be hurt, and it doesn't end up making any difference... we all still get hurt.

She also spoke to me today about thinking about what it is that I desire in my life... to consciously think about what it is that I want to come into my life. and my first thought was I want someone in my life that will treat me with kindness... and as much as I say I don't ever want to have another relationship, in my heart I do... to be treated with love and respect and kindness.

So there.. I'm putting it out there...that there is someone out there who wants to treat me with love and respect and kindness.

5 comments:

  1. That person is out there Vicky, and he will come when he is meant to, and you will know its him. I went through 3 awful relationships, 1 abusive before Rich came along. Had i not survived and learnt from those relationships i would not have been "ready" for Rich... we wouldn't have had the relationship we have if that makes sense?
    Have you read the book "The Alchemist"? I re-read it often when i question my life, faith and what is meant to be.
    Sending much love to you in the mean time xxxx

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  2. I love it. Love and respect and kindness. I want that too. Hope you find some soon.

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    1. Not much to ask for I think! I just have to learn how to filter better!?

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  3. thinking of you - i hope your right person comes along soon - stay open as you never know who it is or where they will appear... xxx

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    1. Thank you beautiful lady. For right now, I'm focussing on all the good stuff that is happening in my life, my job, my blog, my creativity. If the universe sends that man who is going to treat me with kindness, love and respect I'm open to receiving him. :)

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