Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Like a ball in pinball machine...

I said it aloud today.

I am afraid.

The fear that has been rolling around in my head. The fear that shot out of the ball chamber, ricocheting off alarms, pinging off buzzers, like a pinball machine. Except there is no exit. The ball of fear just hits another bumper, spinning off on another tangent, hitting another alarm.

He is going to be released, and he is going to come looking for me.

I wish saying it aloud, writing it down, made the fear feel less. But it doesn't. It feels very very real. It clutches at my throat, makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, my skin crawl within.

I want to run away. Disappear. Change my name. Identity. Place.

How can he still create so much fear in me?


  1. Big love hunny xx You are strong. You have more courage than you realise. You will get through this xxxx


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