Monday, February 6, 2012

Bring on the fresh horses

Edenland's Fresh Horses Brigade

Eden, crazy wench that she is, has decided to do a weekly meme. And because I love the fact that she is a crazy wench, I'm going to participate. This weeks is handwriting. I often wonder, if like verbal communication, hand written communication will go by the way side.

I love putting pen to paper, or pencil to paper. If I'm going to be doing heaps of writing, my preferred tool is a pencil. I'm not sure why. I like the way pencil slides across the page, and it can be erased....

I love getting notebooks as gifts. I have all my journals from a billion years ago. There is something cathartic about the process of writing. It feels more connected then typing.

This notebook was given to me by my mother years and years ago. I kept it for a long time, and didn't use it. Now I use it to write all sorts of strange things in it. It lives in my bedside table.

looking for answers
when I've forgotten what the questions were

looking for redemption
when I'm not sure what was sin

looking for forgiveness
when I'm uncertain if I did wrong

Can someone please tell me
why I have to be so strong


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

one down, 11 more to go.

Where did January go? I wrote the date today, and was slightly horrified that it was a new month. How did that happen?
Seems even if you practice living in the moment you are in, the days still spin by like a raging torrent. I would like it to slow down please. Just a little bit.

Jodie over at Muddled Up Mumma wrapped up her month of January, and it inspired me, for my own benefit, to do the same. Instead of feeling overwhelmed that a whole month has disappeared, I want to focus on the good stuff that happened during that month.

I started the New Year here at my abode on the hill, with my hunny. We had a lovely New Year's eve, just the two of us. It was a welcome respite from the business of Christmas and being around lots of people all the time.

In my family January begins with a birthday, and ends with a birthday. The 3rd January is my daughter's birthday. She turned 16. I have a 16 year old daughter. Even typing that seems surreal. From holding her tiny little body in my arms, and breathing in that beautiful new born scent to standing beside me looking me in the eye ... in what seems like a blink. We celebrated by going to dinner at Southbank, and seeing Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way.

Laura and I 16 years ago
Laura and I now :'(

We celebrated again that weekend, going out to dinner with three of her friends, and one of my soul sisters, someone who has known her since she was two. It was an interesting night... to say the least.
Four gorgeous young women, just beginning to find their way in life...

with two, older, and supposedly some what wiser, women....

Aston and I also went to see ....

Disney Concert

 He was pretty impressed...
I love watching him watching something new

Nathan made a firm new friendship with M's nephew, a relationship I knew would be great, as they are so similar in nature. They spent a lot of time together, doing things that they both love. It was lovely to watch another connection between M and I develop and grow.

Aston starting having sleep overs at his father's house. This was a rather scary concept for me, but one that I knew had to happen. So far so good. It has been pretty positive for everyone.... which seems rather odd, given the circumstances behind Aston's father and I not being together anymore. Life is full of mysteries...

Laura came and stayed for 5 days, and we had a wonderful visit. Nat was at a friend's place for the time she was with me. It meant that the dynamic was different, a little less competition all round. Aston got to spend some quality time with his sister, and her and I got to hang out together. Slowly our relationship is rebuilding. We even spoke about the events that happened that led to her going to live with her father

 Before I knew the school holidays were about to be over, and I still needed to get bits and pieces for the boys for school. I think I was in denial, as Aston was starting school. The 23rd came around far quicker then I had anticipated... and now my baby, was off to school...

The rain began to fall, causing a touch of anxiety for me, all too reminiscent of January 12 months ago.
going down to check the creek

Australia day was raining and gloomy, so M and I took Aston to see the Muppets (a bonus of having kids it that you have a perfect excuse to go and see kids movies!) I loved it, as did Aston. He is still talking about it a week later.

As I mentioned before, January starts with a birthday and ends with one. Mine. I turned 42 on 30 January. 42. I remember when I was 18, 20, 25, even 30 ffs - 42 seemed ancient. Old. And here I am. Ancient. Old. Yet I don't feel ancient or old. (well sometimes I do, but that is more my body, not my head!) I don't "feel" 42, or not how I imagined a 42 year old should feel like. I still don't feel like a "grown up" and well, you think I would by now wouldn't you?

I spent my birthday with my best friend, and the one person who is not biologically related to me, who has known me, now, for more then half my life... the good, the bad, the ugly. We went to the Matisse Exhibition at GOMA. It was ... breathtaking... and inspiring. And just what I needed to feed my soul.

I'm feeling decidedly better after that January re-wind. No wonder it went by in a blur, I've been busy. Thanks Jodi for planting the seed of inspiration.


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