Back in early April, the man who makes my heart sing took me to New Zealand to show me where he grew up, and meet his brother. I was also returning to the country of my birth, a place I haven't been since I was six weeks old.
I am unfortunately a terrible flyer, so the trip there required a visit to the doctor, a script for Valium and me medicating myself regularly before even getting on the plane. Very dilergently, I administered said Valium as prescribed by my doctor, and was able to keep my anxiety under relative control.... Until we got to Auckland late, and had to practically run from the international airport to the domestic airport to catch our connecting flight to Napier.
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| So not a good flyer... |
With agitation increasing as I walked through the terminal, I caught sight of the plane we were about to board. It was tiny! I had no water on me, so proceeded to work saliva into my mouth, push a Valium down the back of my throat trying not to gag. I boarded the plane, sat down next to M and promptly burst into tears. So much for keeping my anxiety under control!!
God I was glad to get off that plane. I think M was glad too, because it meant I finally lessen my grip on his arm and circulation could return to normal!
Hastings, where M spent most of his youth until he came to Australia, is known as the ‘fruit bowl’ of New Zealand because of its fruit and wine industry. It's a beautiful idyllic place, lush and green, and when we went, COLD. Because it was the place that M grew up in we saw a lot of people other then his family that he knew, and visited a lot of places that he hung out at. It is his belonging place...
I felt very privleidged to be given the gift of M's history, to be shown the places he played as a child, the pubs where he misbehaved as a young adult, the friends that he has known most of his life.
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| Never too old to climb trees |
I realised that because I moved around so much as a child I don't have one. Initially it made me feel sad. I don't belong anywhere. But I worked through it. My belonging place isnt one physical place. It is wherever the people I love and hold closest to my heart are...
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| The people closest to my heart |
Even though my belonging place is with the people who hold my heart, visiting my birth place ignited in me many questions and a desire to know it more. I have a whole arm of relatives there that I don't know. Maybe I might leave it that way... Maybe I won't. Regardless, it's the place that I arrived earth side, and I want to know and understand it more. It's what makes me a kiwi.
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| NZ greenstone |
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